What is so special and different about male bonding?

Posted: March 3, 2014 in Lifestyle, Love and Relationships
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Friendship is one of the few relations not created by god or parents, yet it gives us the much needed exuberance and redemption from monotony. Good pals are privy to the kind of life you lead, the kind of expectations you have from life, your likes-dislikes, and everything under the sun. However, I have always observed that there is something extraordinary about male bonding and friendships. Right from the way they are projected in movies to the way we actually witness the strength of ‘bro love’ in our daily life, there is always something to look forward to when it comes to men and their friendships.

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Earlier I used to wonder why there is less or almost negligible movies based on female camaraderie. The reason is simple; our movies are, to some extent, manifestation of our society, and where on earth do you expect to see two or more females bonding over a drink without observing closely what the other girl is wearing or without getting envious of the achievement/love life of her “friend”? I think the most extraordinary aspect of a male friendship is the kind of space and liberty they endow each other. So, you will never see men pestering each other for ‘opening’ their heart out during a boy’s night out. You will never see them bringing up things that don’t need their attention at that moment. You will never see them with an urge to know or discuss anything about his mate that is beyond relevance. It is perfectly fine if he is not aware of the favourite colour, biggest fear, emotional quotient or the current crush of his buddy. Their rapport is more about road trips, drinking beer, a game of pool, watching movies, hitting gym together, dirty jokes, and conversations laced with passion and bike rides.

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I was recently talking to a guy friend about this subject and he instantly pointed out the basic difference between Mars and Venus. “Even if one of us breaks down during a weak moment, we will just tap his back and let him be for the moment. Next, we will make sure that the incident is never brought up ever again.  It may seem shallow or insensitive, but we do not like discussing things like women even though the intensity of care is same”, he said. And this summed up many things. Principally the only thing that matters to them in their friendship is living for the moment. Their conversations may not be intense or open, but it is always interesting to see that male bondings are actually more stable as opposed to volatile female friendships. Men refrain from indulging in any unwarranted cynicism, and that is why there is no excessive rivalry or subsequent bitching about each other.

 

Another friend added, “When we go through a tough time, we may counsel each other but will not end up sharing everything with each other. We share only what is needed and it works for us. I have received financial help from my friend umpteen times and likewise I have filled up forms for the MBA colleges he was applying to. The best part is we do not keep counting what we have done for each other”.  But, as they say, no relationship is 100% perfect. Even men feel the heat of competition when a woman enters their group, and this perhaps could be considered the only weak link in their dealings. Barring that flaw, they are pleasing as a pal.

 

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Women may be gritting their teeth after reading this article, but hey lets confess, we can learn so much from men in terms of being generous and affable in friendship. It is not that being a woman I do not have loyal friends, but it is more to do with my carefree and tom-boyish nature. I can boast of some very good female friends just because I have this innate quality of side stepping the urge to compare –or even observe -what my female friends are wearing or doing and later get covetous about it, which is remotely close to the fellowship shared by men. Not many women can claim to get along with each other.  Having a mind without emotional inhibitions will not only lift your level of benevolence in the eyes of others, it will also earn you some good companions in the process. In conclusion, I presume friendships are more likely to be subjective. It is not really gender driven, but it mostly boils down to your instinctive nature.  At times, it is fun to step into a rare territory which is not at all explored by you. So, ladies nobody is asking you to transform yourself completely, but for a change you can try to avoid being cagey and not stick out like a sore thumb 😉

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Comments
  1. Akshit Choudhary says:

    This coming right after your woman’s day article, I can see the versatility here. 🙂

  2. Isht says:

    hmmm it is an entirely new perspective..i just never thought of it this way…to some extent i agree but jus 1 more thing men let their friends be but as a woman i hav a deep seated need to discuss and i am happy that all my female friends understand that koz none of my male friends asks for it…i feel blessed pouring my heart out…

  3. Isht says:

    n where the hell is the like button..

  4. Mancy says:

    Voila Sweetheart! So true. I have always been observing male friendships mostly among my brothers and their friends, male colleagues rapport etc. It is always very pleasant and fun to be with in their company. Again very true that you may not have to open your heart out and share everything with them. I very much would love to adapt this attitude of sharing whats needed and move on or deal with it as well as not to bring up anything to a friend to which they are sensitive emotionally. Sometimes I also wished if I were a guy to be able to hang out with bunch of guy friends without being so womanish in nature. But, I’m happy the way I am 🙂

    • @Mancy: Yes always be proud of what you are, but sometimes getting rid of the womanish nature-as you put-is always refreshing. Getting into too much of detailing is futile on many occasions. So, just live every moment 🙂 Cheers \m/

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