Archive for the ‘Love and Relationships’ Category


Tobby was hopping from one spot to another nervously in an attempt to escape those prying eyes. Perhaps he had overstayed on the generous bits of bread crumbs. Being surrounded with so many people, in a way that he was meant to perform, was not his thing.  Tobby, my accidental balcony-visitor pigeon, injured his leg a month ago. After applying antibiotic ointment and bandaging the injured area loosely, I called the security guard to take and hearten him for doing what he does best- fly! It was more than 2 days but he was still not able to take the plunge. Every morning when I crossed the parking lot I could see his struggle, twitching from one corner to another and perching himself besides the morsels of bread.  The fight was real.

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What made it worst was the assumption of callous overgrown kids that he will launch into the air with constant “Shooooo’s”. His strident cry was clearing stating that it was not pleasant to be reminded that, now, he is incapable of something which is supposed to be his only talent. Of course he was trying, but every time he was missing the dart.  The next day, two more pigeons followed him and this made him flutter aggressively. May be the pigeon buddies were trying to up his morale but it alarmed him more. That was it. I brought him back, housed him in the balcony with enough food and left him on his own. No pestering. No clapping. No prying eyes. And definitely no shooooooo’s.

Next morning he woke up different. He glanced at the balcony edges, slithered himself across the old bean bag and started moving his legs in unison. Look at him! I shrieked in excitement. Next thing I see is he confidently clamped on the balcony railing waiting for the ultimate moment of freedom.

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Tobby was done with trying to fulfill everybody’s expectations; he was done with seeking validation from others; he was done with being exposed to judgments that were dime a dozen. He realized that mob has no face, just unidentified screaming heads who do not wish well for anyone. He didn’t want to figure out anything more. He just wanted to be happy and embark on a journey whose pace was determined by him, and only him. He rose to his feet, started flapping wings and finally gained the thrust for his maiden undogmatic and enjoyable flight.

Possibly Tobby’s story is the inspiration somebody with broken wings needs to hear today.

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P.S: All pictures are a result of Google search and I have no copyright over them.

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Has it ever happened to you that you feel completely out of place in an outing or a party? Did you deduce ideas in your head to make an exit quietly but feared that someone would sense the awkwardness? Did you ever find something forceful but continued anyway just to tag along with others? Congratulations, you are perfectly normal. We all have been there at some point in our lives. Having been in the corporate sector for nearly 7 years now, I myself have been part of those “movie outings”, “pub hopping “or “widespread lunches” that are supposed to be fun. But, not always they turn out to be as expected. This is when your mental clock starts ticking. Tick Tock. Tick Tock; looking desperately to make that exit in no time without hurting anyone’s sentiments.

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You nod along, order one more beer, fake a smile and steal a glance to your watch. Yes, we all do. You have to, because since childhood we are made to believe that these cultural hobnobbing is an essential part of our existence. Anything less than that would be inadequate. Worse, you would be tagged as an introvert who has nothing to contribute. Lets address the beast first- the larger than life functions. Despite not having anything common to talk about, you strike a conversation, ask them what are their plans ahead, and there you go, the uncomfortable silence incarcerates the environment again. I am not saying that you would never hit it off with anyone, but this article is specifically for people who run out of words after 15 seconds of eye contact.  And then, after a strenuous night, you come back thinking there is something wrong with you.

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I will tell you where the basic dilemma lies. You are not one of those who pine for shallow talks; or artificial laughter’s; or forceful acquaintances. Anything that is quickly forgotten doesn’t excite you. You look for soulful connections and conversations that have some depth to them. There you go! Did it sound complicated to you now? I am sure no. The theory is simple; don’t tag along masquerading as a people-pleaser if you don’t want to. Just look confident and then you will be able to pull off anything. Don’t wait for those forceful attempts which start as “you are wearing a nice dress” and then go completely downhill after 30 seconds. There is nothing to talk, nothing to share. As a grown up, you need to learn how to make that exit without offending anyone! Whether it is breaking away looking for your glass refill or showing your wit and walking away casually- you need to cover the hesitation in your eyes cleverly.

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That said, the same goes for your life as well. Cultivate a circle where nothing seems forceful. Choose people who choose you. And whenever a friendship or relationship seems going downhill after the “30 seconds” familiarity, where there is nothing to talk and nothing to share anymore, you understand this is the time to make the exit confidently and gracefully. Understanding that you don’t belong there is the most important entity. This is how we grow, this is how we evolve.  This morning I was reading something that it made perfect sense to me.

“It took me an incredibly long time to realize there was too much water under a bridge that had burned years ago; that I was, in fact, drowning in it. There is a beautiful peace that comes with letting go…either you fall, or you fly. You life, or you die. Either way, at last you are finally free.” – Anonymous

Next time, when you feel out of place, don’t feel bad.

You are different. You are healing.

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P.S: All images are a result of Google search and I have no copyright over them.


“It has been with me for ten years now.”

“So?”

“Umm.. its been very long. It’s a part of my identity now. Well, kind of.”

“How can it be your part? Why can’t you get rid of it?”

“Well…I don’t know..Let’s just say, I am emotionally attached to it. I can’t let it go.”

This was me trying to explain my reasoning of sticking onto dual SIM cards, one of which –now on national roaming–was older than a decade now. Sobha, my unusual friend at work place, was tossing questions at me with full pace. The reason I call our friendship unusual is because we were poles apart from day 1; we belong to two different generations, our idea of relationships, food preferences, temperament, working style, lifestyle choices are as different as between a mom and daughter. Yet, oddly, we bonded like no one else did. She is like a Ballad and I am a grating item number. Sobha is nearing her 50 and I am about to hit 30 so naturally there are loads of conflict of interest, but once in a while I get to taste the old world when I am made to stand in her court room. In her words it’s called discussion about ‘life’. Today was one such day.

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“Repeat what you said.” She asked. I was jolted out of my thoughts.

“I said, I am emotionally attached to it.”

Her eyes became wider. “That’s it! This is what I wanted to hear. Emotional attachments! This is the only reason you have held onto a number that is of no use to you. Otherwise there is no logic to it. Good you understood.”

Trying to defend my standpoint I responded, “Of course there is logic as well. Tomorrow if any of my old friend or acquaintance tries to reach me, it should be easy enough for them.”

She laughed. “So you mean, you call even those people friends who you have not spoken to for years or vice versa! Okay, chalo lets assume hypothetically that they want to connect to you, even then you think they would need your ten years old number to reach you in this era of Facebook, Emails and common friends.”

I stared down for a while in discomfort. “You do not understand!!  Not necessarily a friend, but I may need it someday. Who knows what situation I will be in tomorrow and I need to contact them or someone wants to contact me on this very number”, came the reply from me.

“Fine. Yesterday she –pointing out at one of our teammates– forgot her phone at her desk and went for lunch to Pizza Hut with you guys. I was the only one near to her desk at that time. She wanted to call and ask me to keep the phone with me for safety. What she did?”

“She took my phone and called you.” I said.

“Yes. She badly wanted to reach out to me and she found a way to that, through you. At least the message reached to me. Likewise, if anybody needs to reconnect with you they will do that whether after 5 years or 50 years. And in case you are wondering that what if you need the help of 2000th person stored in this SIM, consider another situation, what if you need the help of 2001th person whose number you don’t have anymore? In that case, you will find him/ her out anyhow, just like she reached out to me yesterday.”

Twiddling fingers on my head I replied in restlessness, “I don’t know. It’s all very complicated.”

“Life is never complicated. We make it. We refuse to see what is very obvious. Just like a tree sheds its leaves and gets festooned with new leaves, we too keep moving on in life. Those who are important to us emotionally or spiritually or by whatever means, we take them along. Similarly, we are picked up by people who deem us important. It’s as simple as that. The day your generation will understand this they won’t need to carry dual SIM or triple SIM. Or at least they should just start accepting that it is purely for emotional reasons.”

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She was right. Most of us carry the baggage of past expectations and memories for a significant time and conceal it under the name of sentiment, need or emotions. What Sobha wanted to make me understand was not the usage limitation of my phone numbers, but showing me a mirror that somewhere we all are living with a baggage, if not SIM card then something else. Happiness is the basic pulse of the universe. But, the underlying happiness of the soul gets covered up with ambiguity and paradoxes. Faded jeans, old diaries, chocolate wrappers, torn shoes are all a part of it. I still have an empty perfume bottle at my dressing table because the smell still reminds me of my first international holiday and I refuse to let it go.

If we all could master the art of living baggage-free then life would have been so simple indeed. Just embrace whatever comes in your way, care for people who still are with you, forgive those who are not, show genuine warmth and chart a path that is cheery.  Strangely, its only when we are striving for something badly falls into dust, we feel liberated to fill up the vacuum again with good spirits of joy, something that is a fundamental display of human ability. This conversation was one that kept me awake for long. Having said that, I still have many of my old stuffs intact, including the SIM card. Not sure if I can ever muster the courage to get rid of them, but at least I have identified the reason for now—a baggage 🙂

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P.S: All pictures are a result of Google search and I have no copyright over them.

 

 

 


“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”

………..Suddenly I feel all grown up; suddenly I feel alone; suddenly I feel a vacuum; suddenly I feel devoid of a purpose in life. Everything at the snap of a finger!!

I knew lot of struggle was going within you, but never realized all the glitter around your smile would be rubbed off so soon. Every time I still wake up from the echo of that phone call, I feel empty and dangerously consumed for the entire day.

I never realized this before but you played host of roles in my life.

You are my best friend. And I am not saying this because today it has become a fashion to call every known person of 3 months to call your best friend., but you are literally there with me at every stage. Together we share so many jokes that only we can understand. We have code names to all hilarious events of our lives, keeping the people around guessing. We can call each other even at odd times to share both moments of distress and happiness. You roll up your sleeves every time you see any hurt coming my way. We love to travel, click photographs, pose like a badass and laugh at ourselves. Most importantly, I have the liberty to lose my temper in front of you (and even at you) without getting judged or making you offended.

You are my daughter. I may or may not love to experience motherhood sooner in life, but you made me a mother in the last 3 years even before conceiving one. Once you were extremely ill and said that you miss your mother more than anyone else in the world. I told you that I was there, but you said only the love of a mother could console you. And that was the day when I decided to be your mother. After all, the menace spreading inside your body was making you a kid day by day who needed pampering and attention. I still remember I started calling you “tui” instead of “tumi” and adopted the approach of a mother while inquiring about your health. I don’t know whether it was planned by god but just 9 days before your departure we met and I fed you from my hand and even took and brought you back from washroom. I may have never known what it feels to take care of a baby so early, but you gave me that.

You are my problem solver. We all have that one person in life that doesn’t have any solution to our problems but rambling about it in front of them hundred times gives us peace, and who knows, can also fill us up with ideas if the luck is by our side. You are that person in my life. God know how you manage to have that much patience, but you have always lent me kind ears to all my blabbering.

And of course you are my mother. I am your pride. You always tell me that. I am amused with the glint you have in your eyes whenever you speak of me to others. You always wanted me to be an independent woman who respected culture but was not confined to it. You taught me that my womanhood is not limited to being a good cook, being married or giving birth to a child. You taught me to have my individual identity first and most importantly be a happy soul.

I still shudder to revisit the day when you held my hand for the last time while your eyelids grew heavy. I clutched back and said “tomake ekhan theke nie jabo” (we are taking back you from here soon) and you replied gently “aar nei, aar nei, aar nei” (no more, no more, no more). You were trying to say something more when you exhaled, but I couldn’t understand what you muttered. I even couldn’t do anything except for staring at disbelief when the doctors asked for my signature on the consent form for END TO LIFE.

All I have is now bits and pieces of what people refer as remembrance. The sarees that smells agonizingly familiar. The fondness for devotional songs. The flair to cook Hilsa fish. The enthusiast laughter that followed whenever I mimicked someone. The intuitive touch that reached for my hand whenever I felt down. The maniac denial to take medicine. The weakness for bakery biscuits. The little boxes full of body lotion and nail paint. The glasses with dust. The insistence to safeguard my emotional well being at every situation. The phone number at speed dial. The list is endless.

Maa…People say I have lost you, I say I have gained a guardian angel. People say you don’t belong to this world anymore, I say you don’t need a world to stay, just my heart is enough. People say I have to move on from you, I say I am an extension of you, how do you move on from yourself? People say I have to refer you in past tense now, I say the journey from “is” to “was” is going to induce a tumultuous fear.

I refuse to address you in past tense. So, you are my best friend; you are my daughter; you are my problem solver and you are and always will be my mother.

Free of all the pain, smile again, fly again and LIVE AGAIN.

……..Suddenly I feel all grown up; suddenly I feel alone; suddenly I feel a vacuum; suddenly I feel devoid of a purpose in life. Everything at the snap of a finger!!

 


Another honor killing case is staring right at us and perhaps smiling sheepishly and saying that keep empowering as many women you want, they will be silenced one by one. Qandeel Baloch, the Pakistani social media star, was strangled to death by her own brother for “family honour”. The sad part of the story is when her brother, Waseem Azeem, was presented before media, he proudly confessed to be killing her because she was bringing shame to her family by posting her bold images on social media.

Certainly she was not “normal” as per her family. Basically, what is normalcy? How do you define normalcy? And is it necessary that your idea of normalcy should align with mine? We will keep debating and mourning about this issue for few weeks and eventually forget about it. Qandeel Baloch is not alone; there are many like her. I can’t do much to bring justice to her, but here is a tribute from a writer to countless girls like her who are beheaded every year on the name of normalcy.

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With her heart thudding in her ear, she unlocked her phone and stared at the screen. Finally! It was his message.

“Sorry Anjali I can’t do what you are asking me to do. I love you from the day I first saw you. I cannot regret all my life thinking that I let you go for such a stupid reason. Sorry.”

It is not stupid Parag. Anjali thought to herself. She dabbed tears from her eyes, picked her bag and got up to go out of the house.

Eating, laughing, talking, thinking, sleeping…….these things didn’t cross the mind of Anjali Ghosh nowadays. A software engineer by profession and a painter in spare time, Anjali had chiseled all her roles in life with care. Blatantly honest and following her passion with a raging fire would be the best words to describe her. However, of late she was completely overtaken by a sense of void; a void that knew no bounds; a void that was preventing her from becoming a wholesome person; a void that put a fire in her belly every day and night; a void which only Chaya could fulfill.

She took out her phone and opened her speed dial list. Chaya was the first name on it. Number dialed.

“I need to meet you right now….I don’t care …I don’t care if your husband would be coming back home for lunch. I just need to see you.?”

Whenever Anjali lost her temper in front of Chaya she knew deep within that the work would be done. The world knew they were inseparable, but their affection had many layers within, and opening that would have meant removing the lid from the Pandora box.

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Anjali’s phone beeped.

Meet me at Mani Square in half an hour. I have to leave early so don’t be late.

While sitting in cab clinching her handbag and phone, the visuals of Parag and his message sent in the morning started clouding her mind. Parag Paul was his elder brother’s ex-colleague who worked in Capegemini. With a salary package that screamed extravagance and two on-site visits to Houston and Dallas in the last 3 years, he was that one prospective matrimony website guy any parent would pounce on. No wonder he was the first choice for Anjali’s parents as well. Finally, they found the peace they longed for when Parag’s parents gave the nod to come to Ghosh house for an official meeting.

It was the typical boy’s family visiting the would-be daughter in law’s house. Parag was all dressed up in suit and his face exuding happiness that refused to hide. After the initial family-getting-to-know-each-other fixation, the girl and boy were left alone in the drawing-room for some time, while Anwesha’s parents took Parag’s parents to have a look around the house. Parag looked confused for couple of seconds and then seeing everyone disappear from the sight slowly whispered. “You know this is awkward. Leaving us alone and all. But, I would like to be upfront about it. We both are the so-called “gen X” people so let’s not say yes or no to each other right away. We need to meet more and talk more. Basically the courtship time we see in movies. This is what I feel. Tell me your views.”

Anjali felt a lump in her throat. She gulped a glass of water before answering. “Parag I don’t know why but I am not getting a good feeling about this. I mean you are good but it’s too early.”

Parag waved his hand dramatically. “Exactly. That is what I am saying. Let’s keep talking and meeting each other more. And hopefully we will come to a conclusion soon.”
Parag couldn’t come to a conclusion for the next 9 months or perhaps he didn’t want to face the situation that had a possibility of rebuff. Whenever he brought up the topic of togetherness, it was stashed with the latest-movie talks or anything else in the same lines. He couldn’t fathom why Anjali didn’t reciprocate beyond a caring friend.

Three days before, in a state of aggravation, Parag pestered her to reply with a final answer alongside a definite reasoning. Not all women are same but they all have one thing in common. They are all volcano material-who remain dormant for mostly all their lives until they are triggered by some inexplicable factor. That day Anjali escaped the drudgery of being patient.

“I am in love with a woman Parag. I have always been. Even before I understood the term gay or lesbian! I can’t think of anyone else. I cannot fathom how it feels making love to a man. It is not possible for me. Please say no to this marriage and make way for my peaceful existence.”

Anjali screeched at one breath. She seemed restless but also victorious because she was able to uphold her individuality in front of another person. Parag, on the other hand, stood lifeless wondering the malice that life just hurled at him. The girl he was in love with for past few months just now rejected him for another GIRL. For him, getting rejected was not that a big matter as being rejected for a GIRL. His man ego suffered a huge dent.

Is she crazy? Such a hot woman pining for another woman? What different have they got to offer each other!! It is STUPID. Just STUPID.

Parag was bursting out of the rim of rationality. He shook himself out of the stupor and said, “Thanks for being honest. I will think and let you know.” And with that he left hurriedly as if standing there for another minute would rip him off his manhood.
For three days there was absolutely no communication between them. It was akin to the kind of silence that prevails before a tempest. Finally, he mustered courage to declare what he did this morning—that he will not let a girl defeat him.

Anjali was feeling emotionally disintegrated after his message. She was blinded by the passionate love she had for Chaya. They didn’t care about the future except for the fact that they wanted it to continue as long as they can. They took admission in the same college, searched job in the company and stayed in the same city—everything together. However, with female child there is one basic hurdle. They grow up to marriageable age very fast. 23 is not the age for guys to marry, but for a girl she needs to get married as soon as possible in order to attain ‘moksha’. A year before the Parag episode Chaya was blackmailed into marriage stating her father’s frail health. Something inside Anjali died since that day. The thought of someone else looking at her love as an object of lust was unbearable. Albeit few intimate meetings continued between them, it lacked the sense of belonging. This was because now Anjali was the ‘other’ person between Chaya and her husband. Many sleepless months followed during which she crossed path with Parag at a party and the rest, as they say, is history.

Today, once again there was a society to answer and then there was an inquisitive soul to answer. Both of them demanded to be satiated. Amidst all the puzzling thoughts she reached her destination- Mani Square. Chaya was already waiting for her.

“I am all fucked up Chaya. Despite telling about us he still wants to get married to me. I am losing my mind.”

Chaya was quiet. For the first time Anjali was seeing the lowest level of solidarity from Chaya’s end. Finally she asked, “What happened?”

“I am pregnant….. I am pregnant Anjali.” There was stillness in Chaya’s eyes.

Anjali didn’t know how to react. Whether to be happy for her partner’s fertility or to howl for the symbol that screamed Chaya and her husband’s intimate moments, which usually she tries not to think of! She was in a fix.

“Ohh…so what have you thought?” Anjali asked stoically.

“I never wanted this but now since a life has inhabited my body I don’t want to ruin it. Anjali we need to move ahead in life because no one will understand us. At the end, what we are doing is not normal. Let’s get back to normalcy.” Chaya was choking and dabbing her tears as she said this.

Anjali’s emotions automatically found a vent through her moist eyes. “Tell me the reason that you want to have a baby. Tell me the reason that you like your husband. Tell me the reason that you do not have the guts to fight the society. But don’t give me the reason that we feel is not normal. Loving someone, getting lost in praying for someone, craving for someone, getting the urge to be loyal to that one person, wanting to touch someone…wanting to kiss someone….is not abnormal. It’s just not in sync with the society. It’s not something our families and society expect us from. I am fine with it. But never call it abnormal.” Anjali broke down completely and stood up to come out of that place which gave her a reality check. Somewhere deep inside she was confident that Chaya would stop her. This time she didn’t.

Anjali had seen a new facet of life today. Her love for Chaya had turned carnivorous, which was feeding on her flesh and soul. That evening she went to see Parag as he had requested a lot to meet one last time before taking any major decision. He had asked her to come at one of his friends vacant flat. The reason being—he wanted her to understand his decision better. Being broken from inside, today she didn’t mind sharing few drinks with him. After couple of drinks, he advanced his hands towards her waist. She protested. It didn’t help. He empowered her with strength and in few minutes he was inside her. He kept repeating the same lines as a lunatic, “You haven’t really experienced what a man can give you. I will give you that and then you will never go to a woman again. You just need some brainwashing. Abnormal thinking is what spoiling our culture. Ssshhhhh…..”

In the next ten days, Anjali said yes to Parag for marriage in front of both the families. Perhaps Parag actually succeeded in making her normal—in his own way. On the day of her marriage Anjali messaged Chaya.

You were right. We are not normal. Normalcy is forcing someone to get married. Normalcy is making someone pregnant without her wish. Normalcy is raping someone to marriage. Normalcy is this. I am getting married Chaya. Hope we never meet in this normal world again.

And then she broke down her sim card for good!

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For those who usually have a hard time in keeping pace with avalanche of film-related information, Kunal Deshmukh is the name behind movies like Jannat, Jannat 2 and Tum Mile. Howbeit, this article is not about discussing his cinematic achievements or failures so far. This morning Kunal Deshmukh is again back to limelight(not because of any of his upcoming endeavor) because of his resurrecting escape from earthquake-hit Nepal.

Kunal, who went to Kathmandu last week to attend the wedding of his school friend, ended up spending the most horrifying three days of his life there with his girlfriend Sonali. Yes, he was stuck in the same 7.9 magnitude earthquake that rattled the breath out of Nepal. Although he is back now, it will take a while for him to get out of the heartbreaking ordeal he went through.

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Explaining the mental and physical trauma he said, The ground moved violently beneath your feet and it makes your stomach feel squeezy. There were people crying and collapsing being on the edge for so long. For those two days, we survived on chips, biscuits and water that the little shops were selling, but we didn’t want to eat as the loos were so bad. Amongst thousands and thousands of people, there was just one toilet and no one to clean it, so if you landed up going to the toilet, there was shit lying everywhere on the floor.”

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Too many thoughts were vying for my attention after reading his experience, but finally my thinking nerves were stretched as violin strings to a connotation. Mostly it has been seen that art imitates life; in case of Kunal possibly his cinema got imitated by life. In 2009, when he directed Tum Mile—based on the story of a couple stuck in a natural disaster of Mumbai floods- he barely had any idea that someday life may come full circle with this concept.

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The way I am looking at it, the analogy between fiction and real, in this case, is mysterious and totally unavoidable. Filmmakers usually try to present us a slice of real world by taking themes inspired from real life. What happened with Kunal is diametrically opposite. His story of a couple surviving amidst a natural crisis for few days is obviously in the same lines of his own movie. Those of you who have seen Tum Mile would consent to this I am sure. I agree that the screenplay of movie was slightly lose, leading to its failure, but today I can only presume one thing that when world falls to shreds you have no other option apart from wringing your hand in hope. Perhaps life has different ways of teaching you to maintain equilibrium despite all the emotional storms coming you way.

Kunal has come back as a changed man. With a new found gratitude and reverence he says, “Before leaving I was thinking of which film and which producer, but now I don’t care anymore. I will never ever complain about the small stuff in life.”

Experiences like this are not just a piece of news, it is life. Knowingly or unknowingly it may define our way of living. Often life induce emotions that fills your psyche with strong, very strong prayers, every now and then. It gives you the assurance to chart your own course, show gratitude and rise above adversity and intolerance. Instead of sinking under the weight of pretensions, let us pray for exuding positivity at every situation of life. The fact that the whole world is coming together to provide aid to Nepal- so that their disrupted life gets back on track-speaks volumes about the prayer and positivity I am talking about here.

God bless and protect all mankind!

 

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P.S: All pictures are a result of Google search and I have no copyright over them.

 


Anuradha is offline. Messages you send will be delivered when Anuradha comes online.

Soumya kept gazing at the chat window of her month old friend Anuradha, and without giving a second thought scribbled something and pressed the ENTER key.

“I don’t understand why you are trying to end this when everything was going so fine. “

The chat window clearly reflected that the person he was trying to reach was not online, but today perhaps Soumya was finding it difficult to get a grip on his emotions.

Maybe I shouldn’t have insisted her to meet so soon, maybe I scared her off, maybe there is a power cut at her place, may be her internet pack must have got exhausted…or may she is just caught up with some personal work .

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Fixing his eyes on the Gtalk chat box, his mind just got engulfed in the countless ‘maybe’s’ that might have prevented his online friend from responding a little late than the usual time. He was just about to log off when Anuradha’s username flashed green colour indicating that she was online now. His fingers started feeling heavy followed by a temporary numbness. Suddenly “love conquers all” sentiments ensued within him when Anuradha pinged him with a “Hi”! Before he could come up with a response she continued.

Anuradha: Gimme ur phone no. I will call u.

Soumya: When? Its 900*******.

Anuradha: Soon

Soumya: Soon? I need ur number too.

Anuradha: This is not the right time.

Soumya: So many days of continuous chatting, getting to know each other, investing my time and emotions on u…..and everything gets rusted with “SOON”!!!!

Anuradha: I told u that I am not willing to meet u at this instant, and if meeting is everything then I am sorry I cannot continue to talk with u. And nobody on this earth can force me for this.

Soumya: Ohh now I get it. You made a fool out of me for the past 30 days. Let me guess. Ur real age is not 30. U are either a fatigued old woman or an inquisitive young teenager who was looking for some cheap thrills. Nothing can hold your interest for long. Am I right? Wait…..are u even a girl? Ohhhhh god…..Y did I fell trap to this fakeness?

Anuradha: Y are u trying to harass me with your allegations? I already told that I will call u up soon so plzzzz cut the dramatic punch crap and be real.

Soumya: Spare me the favour of ur call lady. I have access to better girls in real life. Dis is the last conversation I am having with you.

With this, not only the Gtalk chat, but also the dream of moving forward with some romantic association with Anuradha came to an abrupt end. Soumya felt humiliated and deceived. He just couldn’t figure out that how could he allow himself to be fooled by someone who was not looking for anything concrete at all. At the age of 34, just having fun online with a stranger was definitely not Soumya’s plan. He was an average looking guy working as a software tester; he did not belong to the bunch of ultra-cool guys who go out all the way looking for love on the internet. However, the username Anuradha unknowingly became like a habit to her. Whether he was brushing, eating, working or having a drink, Soumya’s day did not feel complete if his phone did not beep after every 15 minutes.

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Love is a bastardized term today. He kept repeating this line to himself again and again that night.

At around 5 in the morning his ear-splitting phone ringtone woke him up. But, he had set his alarm clock for 7 in the morning. He got up to remove the phone from charging point. It was call from an unknown number.

“Hello, Soumya??”

Listening to a woman’s voice at the other end he tried to sound fairly sophisticated.

“Yes speaking, may I know who is this?”

“Please don’t be mad. It’s Anuradha. I shouldn’t have called after so much of mess. I am sorry. I just wanted to get rid of this heavy thrusting mental weight that is killing me every second.” Even though Soumya was shocked, he felt relatively under stimulated because of the denial that he had to face last night.

“Tell me, what’s going on?”  A thousand thoughts raced through his mind as he asked this but he tried to be normal.

“Soumya, You were right. I am not 30 years old. I am 26. Few years before, while coming back from a college event, I was drugged and raped. I do not want to get into what life unfolded me after that incident, but I wanted to be normal. I mustered all the courage to continue my education again. But, the stigma of being a victim just didn’t leave me. Online chat rooms made me feel normal and lively. Then one fine day I met you and it felt I had indeed hit a purple patch. But…….”

Then she paused for couple of seconds. This pause was driving him more insane.

“But what? He asked.

“I started realizing that there was tad more between us than just being online strangers. A piece of me wanted to meet you. But frankly, I did not realize that you would ask me out so soon. I just freaked out when you did because I am very well aware that after knowing this your “missing you’s” would automatically get transformed to “this is not going anywhere”. I do not want to get into any relationship Soumya, but I also do not want to lose your friendship.”

Soumya felt like mayhem in his head. He kept quiet for a long time and politely hung up saying that he will get back to her SOON.

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“Oh god. I am getting late. Please hand me my phone and wallet please.” It was an important meeting for Soumya today and he wanted to nail it anyhow. He kept sifting through his files while his wife got the breakfast table ready for him. Oh yes, his wife, Anuradha. She is 5 months pregnant now and is expecting their first child. They got married last year after seeing each other over dinner daily for nearly 2 years.

The only thing that worried Soumya about her past was that it had diluted her confidence so much that she did not want to get into any relationship or get married. Not because she did not have the urge, but she had contemplation drilled into her mind that she was not “pure” enough to be anybody’s wife. Soumya, just as a well wisher in the beginning, took the responsibility of making her get her over that fear. Only god knows what sparked in those 2 years that he finally knelt down and proposed to her for a predestined surrender into a joyful future.

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Sometimes, it becomes necessary to spiral out of the calculative move and be more receptive to the emotional itch. The octopus of misery will always try choke you up with its tentacles at every stage, but it’s up to you how you expunge the dogma and put a lid on your melancholy. The right person will be your emotional anchor and add depth to your life. Being judgmental and putting label on people will only narrow your path of meeting reliable people in life. Because someone has rightly said that

“Every saint has a past and every sinner a future”

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P.S: All pictures are a result of Google search and I have no copyright over them

 


“Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.” – Fawn Weaver

What this simple quote brings to table is pure logic. Although the bestselling author said it in context to marriage, I feel it applies to every facet of your life. Being happy is not a rocket science; you cannot wake up one day, read some philosophical quotes and arrive to the conclusion that you are happy. Problems are ploy of life to make you squirm with insecurity. This inescapable concept, in every run of our lives, germinated long back. However, in wider domains of human lives, it does ring a bell. Is there really any secret or magic potion to be happy? Is happiness really a matter of choice rather than destiny?

I may not be able to render you any stand-alone concrete evidence, but- over a period of time I have realized-there are some things that if you let go today then the likelihood of having a regret later on in your life can be evaded to some degree. As for me, the result may not be a 100% happy mind-because that would qualify to living a life full of mockery- but at least I have started enjoying an extension of peaceful and calmer soul. In this article, I would like to discuss some of the prominent things that I have tried to overcome in the past few years.

Letting go the fear of travelling: For some years now, I have made constant efforts to move candidly like a bird, listening to the vast unexplored world that beckons me. I have conditioned my soul and spirit to lead life –on some lucky weeks in a year-without a compass. These are days that let me learn breeziness and unlearn a monotonous routine life. The consequence- I am able to come back and embrace my personal and professional life with more passion and energy. There is always something you learn at the end of every vacation, and after letting go that fear of travelling and habit of leading a tedious schedule, the one thing that is unvarying in me is my longing to keep moving. No matter what you do, how much you earn, and what kind of responsibilities overpower you, once in a while it is good to pack your bags and set off to an unexplored location. Trust me, when you will be in your 50’s managing to eat without some of your teeth’s, you will never regret this in your life!

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Letting go the apprehension to come out of a bad relationship: We all love and foster our relationships, don’t we? Contrary to popular notions, not every relation is intended to bring out the best in you. It can be your lover, a bad-ass friend or a nagging relative, whoever it is, if any relationship is not letting you grow individually and not making you a better person or hampering your emotional equilibrium, just bid adieu to it as soon as possible. No matter how difficult it may seem at first, when 20 years down the line you would be sipping your favourite cola and thinking about your guts to stand up for yourself, this will only bring a smile on your face.

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Letting go the anxiety of limiting yourself because of gender: When was the last time you were told things like “You need to learn cooking as you are approaching a marriageable age” or “Being a girl you should leave your office by 6” or “You are a guy and you need to start saving money” or “Why are you always game for pink shirts, you are a man “. The modern dynamics of civilization is different and thinking on the same lines mentioned above can severely impede your journey of being consumed and happy with yourself. Do not let your gender define what you are capable of- instead just go out and clinch things that make a positive difference to your life. 10 years down the line when you would be bogged down with additional liabilities at least you won’t say the most remorseful lines in the world—I WISH I HAD DONE THAT!!!

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Letting go the practice of holding grudges and not expressing to people you love: The exponential amount of hard work that you do everyday should not be an excuse to feel irritated and lose out on quality time that you could spend with your family and friends. Remember in the long run, these are the only people who would prove to be your most precious investment. Sure there are some who were close to you at once, but now are as good as strangers. Nevertheless, the least you can do is refraining from holding any grudges against them. In this way, you will take away the power from them to hurt and occupy your mind anymore. Never hesitate to express your feelings towards people who mean something to you. You never know your small gesture could end lighting many faces. Three decades later when some of these people would help you out to plan a surprise birthday for your granddaughter, you would just wink and feel good with what you have achieved over the years.

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Letting go the urge to sleep “10 minutes” more and skipping gym: Yes, this one is equally important as all the points discussed above. What’s the point of earning money and being good to others if your body is not in a condition to support your impromptu ventures? A healthy body signifies a healthy and relaxed mind. The routine of working out should seamlessly seep into your daily life. Do anything- a brisk walk, running, rope skipping, or anything that can contribute towards shedding those extra kilos. But, avoid that urge to sleep ten minutes more. Some years later when everyone would startle at your robust personality, you would exude nothing else but positivity.

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Happiness is a delusion. With my experience, I can just tell that happiness is inversely proportional to regrets. The less number of regrets, the more happiness prevails. Pour all your desires and in a glass and make your soul drink it. And yes certainly- “Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.” 🙂

P.S: All pictures are a result of Google search and I have no copyright over them.

 


28 August, 8:30 AM. Its Trisha’s birthday. Should I call her and wish her this time like I always did all these years or just drop an impassive Facebook birthday wish. Wait a minute. Why I am even thinking about her. I have moved on; having a stable family, a rewarding job and of course happily married for last 6 months. If there was even an iota of contemplation in her then she would have called me at least once, let alone sending me a birthday card like college days.

It was Riya- a student of commerce and now an accounts executive in a leading private bank. Perhaps she took her career choice very seriously because everything about her was calculative. Case in point, the way she was mumbling regarding a birthday wish. Today was Trisha’s birthday. Her best friend from school, but from the past couple of years things were far away from hunky dory between them. There was no particular reason that could be attributed to it. However, one thing led to another in a complicated fashion. Riya was never good at maintaining relationships thanks to her ever-growing ego. Still there was a considerate side to her that only Trisha knew and that’s why she never left her side come what may! The bond between Trisha and Riya was beyond any words of affection and trust.

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However, few years ago, when Riya lost her sister in an accident things started souring between both of them. Riya reacted sharply to the commiseration support provided by Trisha during those days. Riya strongly claimed that she need not be presented with redundant empathy and the only favour she wanted was leaving her alone. Contrary to what most people would feel during those moments of upfront apathy, Trisha did not take into account those remarks at all; instead she stood like a solid rock for Riya, and the only thing she kept repeating to her mind was “If I leave her hand now, I may lose her forever.”

Things started changing when Trisha moved into another city and stopped calling her like she used to before. Ego commenced its game of supremacy and even Riya refused to communicate further with Trisha. Alas, nothing could be heard about her now apart from occasional Facebook statuses. It’s been a year there is no concrete communication between then. And yes it’s 28 August, 8:30 AM.

I still remember when I got a compartment in Mathematics she followed a votive offering to her favourite god so that I clear the exam with flying colours. And sending me a box full of dry fruits when I told her that my blood pressure was below normal range was something out of the world. She also…..uhhh……there are so many memories. Why she ceased the communication between us suddenly? Let it be. Let her through attitude, I won’t call her too…….No, I will call her today. Let’s see what she is up to.

“Arvind you please find your lucky pair of socks yourself. I have a call to make.” Riya answered back to her husband who was apparently searching something beneath the bed. She quickly took out her phone, logged into Facebook and searched for the latest phone number of Trisha.

There it is. Finally. Today she will get a bashing from me. And here goes the call.

“Hello. May I know who is calling?” A voice from the other end of the phone asked in a very frail tone.

Riya answered, “I knew you would not recognize. But, anyway, wish you a very Happy Birthday stupid. You are out of touch for many months now. No mercy for you.”

“Oh my god It’s you Riya. Thanks so much buddy.” Then there was an awkward pause.

Riya sensed a certain level of detachment in her tone, but gathered courage to continue. “Where have you been? I was just bit lost in certain things but at least you could have tried to contact me. You snuffed everything at the snap of fingers. “

“Well, Riya I hope you remember that once I told you that the earth does not revolve around you. If you are lost in your life then even I am allowed to be busy with mine.”

Trisha got a very unsettling feeling with this reply; however, she was not willing to let her go this time. “Why are talking so crudely? What’s wrong? I have never seen you talking like this ever. Is everything alright? You can share with me.”

Trisha replied, “Nopes. I just want to be alone for some time. Please don’t ask further questions. Anyway, thanks for your call. Can I put down the phone now? I hope I am not asking enough”

“Are you telling me what the fuck is wrong with you or shall I call your parents and ask. You know me well if you try to fool around me, I will keep poking. Is that clear?” Riya moderately raised her voice.

“I am sorry if I am causing any kind of umbrage right now. All I can say is that it seems everything is on the ebb for me. I am not having a stable mental bandwidth ever since my engagement broke. I didn’t share on any social networking sites but I got engaged to a boy of my parent’s choice eight months back. They just backed out at the last moment. Methinks the exuberance of so-called life is completely lost because the societal wrath is constantly coming on me. I just want to be alone buddy. Please let me understand my existence in a better way with aloofness.” Trisha finally opened about herself though in a reluctant way.

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Riya had only two things to ask. “You still live in Pune? And what about your job?”

“Yes. I am in Pune. But, there is no job since I left my previous one for getting married to that jerk. And considering the current situation of sitting idle at home for nearly a year no company is enthusiastic about my resume.” Trish replied very meekly.

“Okay. You are on Skype I know. Come online. We need to talk. Plus, I have some job considerations for you as well. My bank needs dedicated people like you. Come out of the self-centred communal trap.” Riya said.

Trisha now started sounding worried. “But, I don’t think I have that thing in me anymore. I can’t do it.”

“Imagine I am taking your Skype interview. Now can you come online please? There are lots to talk and I want to see you.” Riya asserted.

“Okay. Thanks. Coming.” Trisha agreed half-heartedly.

A feeling of appeasement was visible on Riya’s face after the phone call. She sent an official mail and sent straight to her husband.

“Arvind I am not going to office today. Need to talk to my friend Trisha. You remember I told you about her.”

Arvind was not so convinced about the idea. “What’s the need? I mean, you can talk to her even in evening as well sweetheart. Save the holidays we might need for our next trip.”

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“It’s urgent.” Riya gave a firm look.

Arvind smiled and asked “May I know why”?

While logging into her Skype account she looked at him and replied, “Because if I leave her hand now I may lose her forever.”

“You know something…That’s why I love you so much. “ Arvind waved hands and walked out of the room.

Riya knew that the time for Role Reversal had come. All her life she got the unconditional support from her dearest buddy; this time it was her turn to switch roles and amputate the melancholy attached to that person who has always stood next to her regardless of the gravity of the situation.

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In everyone’s life, at some stage, there comes a situation that demands role reversal. When your mother grows old and falls sick she becomes your daughter. When your big brother undergoes a difficult situation, you act elder and become his guiding force. When you get betrayed from your love, your friend uproots your mind from that toxic time. When your wife feels unsheltered, you do everything in your capacity to give her the warmth of a caring father. When your mentor gets stuck in the middle of something, you try your best to show him/her the correct path.

Yes! Life on many occasions demand a role reversal to propagate a complacent feeling to all the irrevocable situations. We just need to know the ropes to understand the demarcation.

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P.S: All pictures are a result of Google search and I have no copyright over them.

 

 


Working in a commercial environment and investing most of your time sometimes turns out to be so brutal that you want to seize the higher ground by hook or by crook. Amrita was one such enthusiastic girl who was gradually paving her way to the epitome of success owing to her uprightness and the tendency to speak her mind without fearing anyone. However, the one thing that set her apart from everyone was that she was too mature as opposed to her real age. She could not only grasp official things easily, but could also uncover all the intentions enveloped under the sweet talks or activities of a person. There was nothing that could percolate to her inner self and make her think from heart, especially when was at work.

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Once she went out with her set of friends and one of them coyly started throwing queries at her. “So, what kind of guy are you looking for?” At first she tried to ignore the prying coming her way by replying-“Haven’t thought about it. Don’t even want to think now.” But, the guy was adamant that day to dig out some kind of compassionate talks out of her, and thus kept the persisting on. Finally Amrita sensed what she is good at. She immediately retorted, “well, there is no point in trying because I am not interested in you so let the game end here.” And with this everyone started hooting and clinking their glasses. The boy seemed awfully mortified, but he tried to compensate with a feeble smile.

This was Amrita for everyone- smart, brash, uninhibited and someone who lacked the level of innocence prevailing in girls of her age. Innocence is when we try to understand the compassion of a person instead of being judgemental. Amrita, however, did quite the opposite; she judged a person first and then thought about the sensitivity involved. No matter what you share, do or say, she will always succeed in lacerating your ‘real’ objective behind it. So, someone inviting her to a party meant an attempt to get confidential gossip from her amidst the party; someone trying to help her with an office project meant trying to show others that she is worthless; her mother asking about her impending promotion meant she is supposed to contribute more to the family expenses. Compromising on her office timings just to help a road accident victim on the way or making a child feel good with a smile was certainly not her agenda. In short, according to her, there was a reason behind every action that surrounds her. Being unaware of someone’s intention and acting innocent was completely a quixotic situation for her.

Perhaps losing her father during her teens and being ditched badly twice in love was the reason behind it. With every passing month she could realize it even more that there was a crucial thing missing in her unlike girls of her age. Yes, that was Innocence! She had developed an unusual defence mechanism to safeguard her innocent sensitive side. Cut to office, today was one of her monthly report submission day. She hurried to her cubicle but was traumatised to see that the report which she prepared the previous day and saved in her folder was deleted due to some system problem. She spoke to some IT department and they started working to recover the file as soon as possible. She did not have much time left and the only thing she could think now was calling up her team mate-who was on leave- and see if he has some traces of the last month’s projects saved in his office system. If yes, she could refer his computer.

She opened her handbag to take out the phone call him. She felt that someone pulled the pin out of the grenade. To add to her deflated self confidence, she had left her phone in the cab which she hired to reach office on time. Indeed an awful day to begin with. She shook her head and tried to whiz by without showing the panic on her face. Ultimately she dialled her colleague’s number from the office landline phone. He picked up in the first ring itself. “Hey. Akhil here. Tell me”, he answered the phone.

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Amrita was feeling bad to ruin his first day of holiday but continued, “Hi Akhil. This is Amrita. Sorry to disturb you. I need to ask you something. Do you have any record of the projects we dealt last month? Actually I had, but my computer turned back on me at the last moment. I was wondering if you could help me with something.”

Akhil was quiet was few seconds and finally spoke. “Umm..Actually Amrita I am sorry to hear this, but you know buddy I have a flight to catch exactly at 2 and for the security check in and other formalities I need to leave exactly two hours from now. I have some material with me, but I doubt whether amidst all the last minute packing I could be prove to be as hospitable as expected. Sorry dear.”

“That’s perfectly fine. Enjoy your holidays. Will see you soon.” And she dropped the phone with a gloomy tone. She thought may be a cup of tea would make her feel better. Leaving all her prospects of quarterly increment in the hands of IT department she headed towards the cafeteria. With a cup of tea in her hand she was thinking hard to recall some official things when she saw the taxi driver-who dropped her this morning-coming towards the reception area. Her curious mind commanded her to hasten straight to that area. As soon as she reached there the man looked at her and exclaimed, “There is she is! Madam I was talking about her. I wanted to meet her.”

Amrita was puzzled but then took the matters in her hand. “What happened? What work you have?

He put his hands in his pocket and started looking for something. In a split second he took out Amrita’s phone and signalled her with a smile. “This is yours na. You left it in my cab. I was trying to reach you since 20 minutes, but these people were not letting me talk to you. Please take it and let me go.”

Although she was stunned for a second, she tried to analyze what must be the purpose that he wasted 20 minutes of his life just to return a misplaced phone. Unable to think of anything else she opened her bag and tried to repay his helpful gesture with a note of 100 Rs. “A thank you was enough madam. Getting 100 Rs from you was not my intention. Good day madam”, he replied with a smile and started walking away.

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For so many years the theory of practicality and logic that Amrita believed in was contradicted today. She just couldn’t stop and screamed a big “Thank you” and waved hands to the taxi driver. He returned the gesture with a waving hand too. She felt as if she was acquainted to a strange truth today. Suddenly her phone beeped. It was none other than Akhil. She picked up immediately.

“Ya Akhil. Tell me.”

“What’s wrong with you? This is the fourth time I have called you. Anyway, just wanted to say I have mailed you most of the project details you need and that too in a systematic way. You just have to edit it. Have done it in a hurry, but I am sure you will manage.” He said in a single breath.

“Oh my god! That’s so thoughtful of you. But, you didn’t have to do this. I mean you are going for your honeymoon and instead of doing last minute packing you ended up doing this. I am so sorry and thankful at the same time.” Amrita was completely swayed by the two incidents that happened with her today.

She was interrupted mid way by Akhil with a chuckle, “Don’t think I did it expecting something in return. I did it for myself because I wouldn’t have been able to leave with a peace of mind. I am leaving for the maiden holiday with my wife and I don’t want anyone to clench teeth due to my absence. You have a great presentation Amrita and always remember there is a difference between being stupid and innocent. You just have to know when to bring out that side of you. Today, I was not stupid in helping you. Good luck lady. See you.”

His wordings touched a raw nerve it seemed. She looked outside where the taxi had left her and realized that if the attitude and perspective is right then even the brickbats can be converted into bouquets. As per the situation, you just need to oscillate between logic and compassion because that’s how you can purge out the deep-rooted social attitudes and tick all the boxes for bringing normalcy into your life.

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P.S: All pictures are a result of Google search and I have no copyright over them.


We must have heard numerous adages till now that talks of how attachment can be your biggest strength. There is no denying to it because we all know it holds true in each one of us lives. But, over the years, I have experienced one noteworthy thing that if you want the sweetness in every relationship of yours to perpetuate then you need to master the skill of detachment and apply it whenever needed in your life. Detachment skill is needed for strengthening attachment, sounding a typical case of oxymoron, right?

If you step back from an awful situation of your life and try to visualize yourself from the point of view of a third person, you would see that excess of clinginess to an entity is the basic reason we are robbed of our physical and mental energy. A colleague hogging all the limelight for the project that took equal effort from your end, girlfriend/boyfriend not giving you enough time, parents not supporting when expected, getting betrayed by someone very close, the unusual feeling of jealousy and insecurity creeping in, a realization of low self-esteem that holds you back from being your real self, the anxiety of financial security growing louder with days, unmet expectations, and so on….These are some of the common reasons that stimulates emotional agitation, stress, anger, suffering, disturbance and ultimately wrecked relationships. In short, it makes you experience cul-de-sac.

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What if you did not feel too much of emotional involvement in all the above mentioned situations? What if you maintained poise and remained detached to all the incongruity regardless of whatever is happening in your life? Think how much energy you could have saved by not getting upset, angry or grumpy. Emotional shakeups disrupt your rationality and prevent you from concentrating on the matters that need to top your priority list. Too much mental dependency and involvement disturb both your mind and inner peace. The fear of letting go and acting on things at spur of the moment gets the better of you in the long run. You cannot grow in life if some people, thoughts, and events tie you down at every occasion. This is when the art of detachment comes into picture.

Most of our problems that jolt us, exhaust us and pull the carpet from under our feet are because of just one simple reason—excessive attachments. It is extremely important to master the art of detachment if you want to retain your happiness. Anyone would squabble saying that getting attached and hurt is part of human nature and it is irrevocable. But, the right balance of detachment can allow you to enjoy inner peace effectively. Every situation—whether good or bad—is temporary, and thus the sentiments that build up during this time should also be temporary. Anger, frustration and stress are temporary; while unconditional mental peace is the only constant. We need to detach ourselves from feelings that are erratic and think of only those things that are going to be permanent in our life; In case of human emotions, your peace is the only thing that is going to be constant if you do not let anyone take control of your happiness and actions.

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Take for instance, when someone does or says anything that hurts you badly, you usually end up feeling hysterical and thinking that life has come to an end. Similarly, when you get oddly close to a bunch of people and it abruptly ceases to nothing, your pent-up emotions take the form of anger and then eventually melancholy. Why is this so? This is only because you give too much importance to other people’s words rather than your own thoughts. Had you practiced emotional detachment at the time of adversity, you would have acquired composure, self-control and remained unaffected by difficult circumstances.

Having this kind of approach will shield you from unconstructive things and sooner or later there would be very few things that would have the potential to trouble you. In the personal front, I was never good with handling my ever-changing moods and temperaments. And, in retrospect, I can only attribute it to my habit of clinging onto attachments. It was not letting me grow professionally or personally. For some time now, I am learning to draw a mental boundary between me and entities that usually make me overly dependent. I am taking back the power that at some point of time I had given to the external forces for influencing my emotional well-being in a good or bad way.

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Next time when you face any unpleasant situation, try to breathe easy and wilfully detach yourself from that condition by indulging in other activities. Take a long walk, start painting, plug in your ear phone to listen to your favourite track, read motivational articles again and again or do anything that keeps you detach for a while. Even if it is not making you calm, at least a little effort from your end will gradually make sure that you start feeling complacent and liquidate anything that prevents you from channelizing your energy into productive things. Get up, take control of the steering wheel of your life and release the obsessive form of emotions to pursue your ultimate aim of leading a peaceful and happy life…. 🙂

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P.S: All pictures are a result of Google search and I have no copy right over them.


As I sit down to write this, I am receiving some constant messages from a long lost college mate with whom I have no contact for a year now. The messages wouldn’t have made way into my cell phone had I not installed a new app this morning. Unfortunately, I was completely ignorant of her presence on the app or else I would have blocked her there too like some other networking apps/websites. Yes, you can go ahead and label me as a caddish individual, but I am pretty sure of few things: Priority, Reciprocation and Permanence. And under no circumstances, I compromise with these three policies of my life.

Friendship, just like every relationship, weighs heavy on our heart and makes us dependent on it increasingly. We seek the support of our close people at the face of every adversity. Whether they are able to do anything tangible or not, but the kind of emotional aid they bring on the table speaks volume of the kind of goodwill we are surrounded with. Unlike now, I was always the quintessential friend who would go to any extent to get the monkey of acrimony off the shoulder of my close buddies. From late night telephonic conversations to constant chatting to sending them gifts, I have done almost everything conceivable to get the smile back on their face. Needless to say, I was on major occasions teased as “the counselor” who would listen to your problems and suggest you solutions; even if there was no solution at least I would listen to you sacrificing my sleep and important work.

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So, there was this college friend of mine who would come to me whenever there was something significant to talk about, preferably whenever her love life was on rocks. I patiently lend my ear to her on each and every occasion as college life is all about unconditional love in friendship. This continued till the final semesters, and finally we moved to different cities for pursuing our career. Nevertheless, it didn’t stop me from calling her on a regular interval and getting an update of her whereabouts. Meanwhile, her love interests too kept on changing after few months, and so does the problems related to them. But, I never failed to mollycoddle her at any instance.

Everything was going well, until an atypical feeling started arising within me. I started observing that there were frequent and long calls from her side only when her relationship underwent some serious repercussions. She used to shout, cry, sob, rant and sulk for hours. Whereas I would listen, console, advice, and then again listen. Quite in contrast, when she used to bury the hatchet with her love interest the next day, she ignored me as I never existed in her life. On most occasions, she did not even bother to reply to my messages. This cycle again continued till the time her boyfriend matched up to her expectations, but alas, a tussle would again make her call me.

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I realized that over the years, I got trapped into this role of emotional anchor and somehow this part got overlapped with the emotions of friendship. Now, I am no more a friend, but just an emotional support who would come to her rescue whenever she would be in a catch-22 situation. But, still there was no escape to it because I was too naive to break someone’s heart in the time of need. The counselor in me faced a major turning point last year when my mother was unwell for some weeks. I was very disturbed those days. Usually I am a close person when it comes to showing your emotions. Why not confide in my friends during this tough time just like they do to me? I thought to myself. I called this particular friend, but there was no response from her. I dropped her message saying that my mother was not well, and I am little disturbed and may be talking to her would make me feel better. It was the feeling of your heart getting lacerated unlimited times when she replied just with an “okay”. I did not get a call from her for another 20 days.

My mental fulcrum got totally crashed and I saw a new practicality of life. All these years of friendship, support and reciprocation came crashing to the ground. Now, I was confirmed that I was not just an emotional anchor, but a “backup” emotional anchor. There is huge difference between these two terms. The former is what you get unconditionally from your parents and close people, and the later is when people take you just an option or alternative to their priority to in life. In this case, her love interest was the priority in her life and I was a backup option for listening to her worries whenever she needed someone. It was not about friendship anymore.

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With all the ups and downs in my kitty, I made up my mind that come what may, I will never be an alternative for people like her. I will be always there for people who have filled my life with warmth, but today I am clear sighted to pigeon-hole individuals who have the agenda of using me just in the time of hardships. And by bringing this change into my lifestyle, I got rid of some major complications of my life and got closer to people who actually matter. The list of my friends is relatively smaller today, but at least it comprises of those people who inspire me to be a better person every day instead of making me feel like a recycle bin of psychotherapy emotions. If you are getting drowned in the cacophony of endless one-sided emotional support, think again! May be its time to walk out of it and embrace redemption.

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Disclaimer: All pictures are a result of Google search and I have no copyright over it.


This is an ironic thought to start the day with. But, this is the fact of life. We seldom see anyone leading their life as wished by them. Everyone is busy in pleasing either a bunch of people or a special person who makes their world go round. But, at the end of the day, there are always unmet expectations from either side. Of course I understand that a society cannot function by being indifferent to everything. But, I have understood one basic funda of life in all these years- you need to love yourself first before loving anyone.

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Writing-in strangely many ways- is similar to our lives. I write for my passion not because I want to show anything to anyone; also, I will never write something to please anyone because I know haters are always going to hate. There is no hidden agenda for writing. After the posting of an article, the number of likes and comments I get from some loyal friends and followers is more than enough for me. It rarely bothers me about anything else. Life follows a similar circle.

We have just one life to lead it the way we want, and it upsets me to death when I see people sacrificing their basic daily happiness for the sake of other’s comfort. Giving priority to someone is good, but don’t you think if you are not able to love your needs/expectations first then how will you start loving someone else. The endless introspection and frustration subtly creeps into you, and you start taking that out in every other aspect of life. A person who is content with himself will have the strength of an eagle to fly to all unexplored destination. On the other hand, a person has made everyone happy, but is still struggling with lumber of unhappiness within will sink like a rock gradually.

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Your emotional reservoir certainly has much more capability than this. You were not born to get weighed down by expectations. Instead get up and remind yourself every second that you are always the priority of your soul followed by your loved ones. Speaking up for your happiness will never mean hurting someone unless you are murdering or cheating someone. Life will always throw you in deep sea, but it is always up to you whether you want to swim or drown. Make peace with what you want in life and dismantle norms that don’t serve you in any way!

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We talk of women liberation and gay rights, but it all comes down to one simple fact that only people who are self-centeredly focused towards their happiness are able to lead a truthful life, which in turn will gradually make their companions satisfied as well. If I am not confident about my personality then naturally no one will put that extra effort to find attractive qualities in me. I have no qualms in saying that I love myself more than anyone else in the world, and perhaps this is the reason so far I have been able to keep everyone around me happy. The work of both art and life is to draw out a response- whether good or bad. And only a happy soul can fight the pain and bitter remorse in order to move forward. Cheers to Life and Art! 😀

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Disclaimer: All the pictures above are a result of Google search and I have no copyright over them.

 

 


You may never see her wearing a sexy skirt to a party or discussing her broken nails. You will spot her preferring beer mugs over Negroni cocktail. Forget about the pink sandals; you will see her wearing grey shoes even on a hot date. And yet –whether good or bad-she manages to draw right amount of attention from every corner of the room. Yes, I am talking about your gal pals who can never fit into the category of refined, high-heeled girls. Theoretically, they are referred as Tomboyish girls. Tomboys mostly tend to think, behave and talk like men. So it should not marvel you if they are ruthlessly straightforward, talk about gadgets, indulge in sports, resist typical feminine qualities, and share a ‘bromance’ kind of rapport even with their male friends.

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One will seldom come across a tomboy petulant about the colour of her nail paint, spa sessions, hair extensions or the attire she is going to wear in the next party. They are exceedingly direct and unadulterated in nature. She can advise you how to pacify your ultra glam girlfriend and also borrow your pyjama if needed. Their “don’t care” attitude often makes them the best friend to any girl or guy. However, on many occasions, people tend to assume too many wrong things or behave erroneously while dealing with a tomboy.

To being with, a large number of guys presume that tomboys have no inclination towards passion and love. Even if she is not a high maintenance woman when it comes to fashion or jewellery, it does not make her any less woman. There is strong unexplored desire in her to be treated with reverence and sensitivity. Underneath the shorts and sneakers, there is a lady who probably enjoys a sense of security when she gets attention from men. But, sadly, men are fascinated with the idea of having an ultra glam woman as their arm candy while a tomboyish girl is only looked upon as his “best friend” in times of need.

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Secondly, owing to their lack of “girly-girl” approach, tomboys are often mislabelled or perceived as lesbians. God never created a hard and fast rule that only those girls who talk about pink clothes and lipsticks deserve to be called straight. Being a homosexual is a personal choice and it has nothing to do with your likes or dislikes. It is a downright insult to someone’s individuality if you categorize tomboyish girls like that. She may have a hard shell, but she dotes on her friends and confides in them. After all, deep within she is a loving and compassionate person just like other girls. And only a wise and sensitive man can prove to her that stereotypes do not define their mental periphery.

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Thirdly, our movies tend to glint a misconception that a tomboyish girl undergoes lot of physical transformation once she falls in love. This is completely wide of the mark. Of course positive changes are always welcome, but in terms of conventional feminist qualities, a tomboy is aware of what she is and that is why there is a confidence that there is no need to change herself for anyone on this earth. If you feel that you can “fix” her once she falls in love with you then think again. If you really want her, let her know that you are okay with what she is. Never ask her to change and who knows she may wear a dress for u someday on her own.

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If you get threatened by her bold nature then remember all the edgy, untamed energy she brought to your life in the first place. There is no doubt that a conventional girlfriend and a tomboy will be like chalk and cheese. However, the basic idea is to let every individual feel comfortable and, if you happen to date a tomboy, gradually allow her charisma to spread love like any other girl.

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Disclaimer: All pictures are a result of Google search and I have no copy right over them.